SEAWORLD IS ALRIGHT. GREAT, EVEN. AND YOU CAN TRUST US, because we're professional trainers at SeaWorld and we know all the facts 100%.
The whales are fine. Let us prove it to you.
Your completely trustworthy SeaWorld trainers are:
Soupy Soupy (who is in recovery
from a vicious whale attack but like she's fine)
Tami Sagher (30 Rock, Broad City, UCB)
Dan Chamberlain (Above Average, FunnyorDie, UCB)
Jo Firestone (TCGS, WFMU)
Aaron Jackson (UCB, The Boston Conservatory)
Max Ash and Rob Tanchum (UCB Maude Night)
James Coker & Marshall Stratton (The Other Kennedys, UCB)